On Punishment and Negative Consequences

On Punishment and Negative Consequences

By George Rathbone, Allan Rathbone

While punishment is used throughout most cultures to influence behavior, the concept of punishment is more complex than most people understand. Traditional thinking often goes like this: if someone acts out, and they get punished for acting out, then that person is less likely to act out again. The problem is, there’s a lot that this perspective doesn’t take into account, such as the complexities of human interaction and the power dynamics that are involved.

It’s not hard to understand where traditional thinking about punishment and negative consequences comes from, it can be very intuitive. Negative consequences frequently change our behavior. For instance if we eat something rotten and get food poisoning, we will get sick and feel terrible. As a result, the next time we feel hungry, we probably won’t try to eat anything rotten. Many people think punishment is like that; if you make someone feel bad, then they won’t do it again.

However, being punished by a person is different from drinking spoiled milk in a few obvious ways, especially when that person is an authority figure. For one thing, you’re not going to feel angry at the milk for making you sick. You’re not going to feel like the milk insulted you, or that it was unfair to you. It probably wouldn’t even cross your mind to struggle with the milk until it learns to stop making you sick. You’re not going to even think about trying to seek revenge on the milk, beyond pouring it down the drain, and you’re not going to feel like the milk is limiting your freedom or trying to control your life. Of course, these are all thoughts we all may have when being punished by a person. You may respond to punishment by feeling badly about yourself (low self-esteem); you almost certainly will feel angry . You may have thoughts of retribution against the person who punishes you. These reactions are normal, and they often lead to worse behavior rather than better.

Often punishment seems to work quite quickly, as the behavior may immediately disappear. For that reason, it is often the first strategy used. However, sometimes that disappearance doesn't mean that the behavior is gone, it just means that the person is being more careful not to be caught.

The fact is that punishment and negative consequences do not deter behavior; it is the threat of the punishment that deters behavior. The actual delivery of punishment just makes the threat believable. Once negative consequences are actually delivered a few times, they tend to lose their deterrent effect. When a person is punished repeatedly for the same thing, the punishment is clearly not working as a deterrent. At that point the continued use of punishment is likely to make behaviors worse rather than better. Arguably one of the worst results of repetitive punishment is that it can lead to the person to repeatedly engage in the negative behaviors it is intended to deter., or even to escalate into more seriously challenging behaviors. The person may feel very badly about the himself for doing it, but he may also feel a powerful compulsion to continue the behaviors anyway.

Just the same, negative consequences can not always be avoided. In fact, the “normal” world is highly punitive, and learning to cope with negative consequences is an important part of normal development. There are times, especially in public, when someone misbehaves so badly that the only solution is to take him or her out of that environment, at least for a while. Likewise someone may be too upset to safely participate in a desired activity, or an item or privilege may need to be taken away because of safety concerns.

One important fact to understand is that the person delivering the consequences does not necessarily need to become a bad guy. Many people make the mistake of getting emotional and angry at the person who is misbehaving, but that can make the situation worse. Expressions of anger can make the person believe that you are punishing him because he has upset you, rather than because he has misbehaved and broken the rules. That can make them feel like the consequences are not about their breaking the rules, but about your dominance over them. In addition, it tells them that when they misbehave they can have the thrill of upsetting their caretaker. Through misbehavior they can, in a small way, control their caretaker. It is almost always a mistake to become emotional. No matter how irritated or upset you may feel, it is best not to be angry when you respond.

The key to asserting a sense of accountability at such times like is not to lose your empathy for the person you are caring for. It is better if the consequences for misbehavior are the only consequences that the person receives, and that the consequences be delivered in a compassionate manner. No anger is needed, and it can be detrimental if is part of the response. Generally it is most effective, once you and the person are both calm, to talk about the behavior that resulted in the negative consequence and to help the person figure out how the consequence can be avoided in the future. For some individuals, it may be better not to talk about the negative behavior at all and to focus instead only on what he or she should do next time in a similar situation.

Perhaps the most common reason given for using punishment and negative consequences is that people must be held accountable for their bad behavior in order for them to learn from it. However, holding someone accountable does not necessarily require this negative approach. Punishment is only one piece of instilling accountability, and not the most effective one. Arguably it is far more effective to hold someone accountable for maintaining positive behavior, something that can be accomplished through a positive response. Rewarding good behavior, even if it is simply by telling a person when they’re behaving well, is much better for enhancing self esteem, for promoting a good relationship with that person, and for shaping positive behavior that is best for everyone.